Comments on: Are You Kind or Patronizing? – #MTtalk Roundup

By: Florencia

Florencia — Mon, 13 Jun 2022 17:48:44 +0000

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By: Yolande Conradie

Yolande Conradie — Sun, 10 Oct 2021 09:57:53 +0000

In reply to Sonia Harris. I'm not always sure how to interpret it when people use the word "cute." I have family members who will speak of someone's achievement as "cute" - and I've always felt that it minimizes the achievement or makes it seem diminished - something small and sweet when it's something that took a lot of effort and determination. I've also heard adult women say to one another, "Oh, that outfit looks cute." It might be a cultural thing or how different people in different places use the word cute, but I feel uncomfortable to tell another grown-up person that she looks "cute." I'd rather say I like her outfit, or that it suits her well.

By: Sonia Harris

Sonia Harris — Thu, 16 Sep 2021 06:30:08 +0000

The last time I felt patronized was several years ago by a female with whom I’d occasionally interact on social media. Our group was sharing links to individual resources or work we had online and she commented that mine was “cute”. I felt demeaned. My art item was business-related and well-structured; it contained nothing ‘endearing’ or ‘sweet’ to elicit that type of comment. It made me briefly ask myself, “what was I missing there that would lead someone to call my work cute?” Then I realized she could’ve had a level of jealousy. (A similar example is: you’re criticizing my fairly new car when you don’t even have one!) At the time, I didn’t know how to respond to her snide comment. I know that she didn’t have resources of her own to share with the group and I started to call her out on that, but I chose to pretend I didn’t see the comment. To this date (2-4 years later), I have not addressed the issue because I didn’t feel the discussion would be productive.